Anxiety is not something to be trifled with

Anxiety is such a curious sensation. Anything can set it off, depending on the person, and it can consume you  and your life. Personally, when I suffer from anxiety I get restless but am exhausted and listless all the time. This prevents me from accomplishing what I need to (which is usually what I am anxious about) which in turn, causes me even greater anxiety with less time to get whatever it is done. I suffered more anxiety attacks in overwhelming doses while I was at university because I usually had so much to do that I didn't know how to handle it.

At one point I "lived" with two boys who were focused and borderline obsessed with finishing their schoolwork before the other, as though it was a sort of competition. Something people don't really assume from me is that I am a rather competitive person, so naturally I was kept really on track that year. I had different courses than my pseudo roommates (really I lived next door with a girl who was a mess and a half), so I couldn't compete in the same things (they would have to write a paper on international politics, I would have to watch and write a film analysis in Italian plus a whole bunch of other coursework). Regardless, I had so much homework and social obligations (I ran clubs and had a scholarship) that I would start earlier and work later.

One night around 1 am, Josh even said to me "I honestly don't know how you do it all; you are always working. By the way, when are you going to bake something again? It's been a week and we're out of cupcakes." Now during midterms and finals, I was a complete mess. I shut down all the time and let myself go which caused me a lot of anxiety as well. I would literally just stop and sit there in a completely stressed state and I owe a lot to Jake and Josh for helping me power through it. I love them both for it to this day.

Now back on track, one thing which has always left me feeling trapped and anxious is clutter and mess, particularly when it comes to my room. My mum always taught me to be a clean and neat person, but that went out the window somewhere in high school. I didn't truly appreciate it and make the effort to have a tidy room again until I went to university. There I realized that I felt so much better (not to mention proud as I liked to have people over) when my room was clean. The messier it got, the more anxious I got, especially when I was already under stress. It was then I realized that I need to keep my space organized instead of a tornado swept whirlwind (in which I knew where EVERYTHING was despite its precarious positioning in my room, might I add).

So although I am no longer in a university dorm, I still have residual anxiety over a messy room, but I have been feeling so exhausted lately that I haven't done anything about it :(
This was my room two months ago before I cleaned it:

2 months ago

And unfortunately I did not take an after picture. But this is what it's looking like again, which admittedly is nowhere near as bad, but it's enough of a start. 

My room currently

My goal is to clear all of the clutter and hopefully clear some of the unwanted stress from my life.

love always,
xo